It’s actually kind of funny that I never got around to writing about my anniversary on my actual anniversary. In a way, that’s just how things can be sometimes lately, now that I’ve come to an inner peace with my own reality. I’m able to show myself some grace, and though I still have goals that I strive to achieve and day-to-day things that need done, I’m also at peace with the fact that some days are better than others.
I’ve also learned not to be my own worst enemy anymore. I wouldn’t take some of the things I’ve told myself from anyone else, or speak like that to anyone else, yet my self-criticism had gotten to the point that it was abusive. Mostly over some pretty tiny blunders, to boot. I’ve learned that I need to love myself, be comfortable with who I am, be at peace with myself more often, and to continue working on it when I’m not.
I celebrate this today, and yesterday, in honor of my eleventh anniversary of being diagnosed with a brain tumor. Tomorrow will be my “Surgeryversary.” In the past, I’ve not known what to expect in terms of feelings on these three days. Things could be fine and normal, or an outright blubbery mess. Now, I think for the first time, I’m not worried. I think, no I feel, like tomorrow’s going to be just fine, and probably even really good. I think I’ve got this. I can feel it.