Hi, LahLa here with an update. I haven’t written in a while, so it’s kind of weird coming back with this one…
Is it my time?
I’ve been getting MRIs quarterly since October, 2014, and talked specifically about the ebb and flow they put on my on my life here:
Unfortunately, the time has arrived and I realize the wait, as bad as it was, was better then than it is now. My latest MRI showed some progression on the outline of the tumor removed in 2014.
As big of a deal as it is in my life, there’s not actually a lot to say about it. It was “suspected” on a previous MRI and confirmed on my last one in April. The growth was slow, very slow…which is good, I guess? I’m still having trouble processing it, so please forgive my blotchy writing.
A while ago, I wrote about a conversation I’d had with God about trust and faith in the time between learning of my tumor and going into surgery. I’m thinking about that conversation a lot now that I have traces of the tumor returning. My tumor, surgery, and treatment (as horrible as they were) initiated some positive changes in my life that, I don’t know if I would’ve done otherwise, if I hadn’t chosen trust and faith. I like my life, and I want to be around, but sometimes fear sets in. I don’t want to die in fear, but more importantly, I don’t want to live in fear. I want to enjoy every moment, be my best, love, and fit as much as I can into however much time I have. It’s time to trust that I can handle what’s yet to come and not let fear dominate my thoughts, because fear covers up the good parts which I yearn to enjoy with those I love for however long I have.
“I don’t want to die in fear,
but,
more importantly,
I don’t want to live in fear.”
So, talk to you later?
I’ve got some living to do
LahLa